I'm just gonna come out with it and say it. I didn't PROPERLY leave Harvey over night or for any massive length of time until he was 2 years old. There, i said. Not that hard. So now you're all thinking i'm a crazy psycho Mum, right!?
I always look at the way i was brought up and wonder how my mum just got it SO right. She let me go out, and I always knew my boundaries (and tested them of course). I had a lot of respect for her growing up and so did my brothers. I never felt swamped by her but i always knew she was there when i needed her. If i have half that relationship with my own children i will be ecstatic.
Oh crap, i'm a mum. That means i have to KNOW what to do. I need to install these factors on my own children. I figure in saying this i need to know my own boundaries as a parent. Its all very well your children knowing them but what about us? When do we know when to step back, or dive straight in all guns blazing? Its one of the hardest things i have had to mentally deal with already as being a parent, gosh help me when they are teenagers and wanting a cheeky alcho-pop and a tattoo.
Charlie asked me yesterday how I was about school now. At first i was "hate it. not okay with it" but after more thought on it, its actually not school that im not okay with. I love that he is learning, i love that his independence is blossoming and he is turning into such a bright young boy. Its the leaving him, its the letting him go and saying goodbye I can't stand. Its the not knowing what he is upto and the lack of control i have over him. But here is where I can't tell him that, i can't tell him that every day he goes a tiny bit of my heart aches for him. I can't tell him that whilst he is at school all day i am at home quietly missing a piece of our lives that we so love as a family. That Oliver misses him more than anything, that Elsie whinges more when he isn't here.
This is where i set my own boundaries.
Be strong mumma.
It's not just about school though. General every day life i have to think about the way i deal with a question one of them asks me. Harvey and Oliver are typical boys, and since starting school Harvey is wanting to do pretend guns. I hate it, actually hate it. I think its wrong, i think it gives out the wrong message and can have serious underlying issues when growing up. But then what boy doesn't do that?
Setting rules and boundaries can so easily become being an over protective mother. For instance, i don't let them play computer games. I personally think they are too young and it sets bad habits. I don't like them watching films that are about killing/scary things/fighting etc etc. Even if they are a PG. Its not nice and their delicate little eyes will be scarred forever. I don't like batman or spiderman. I don't like the thought of them playing outside when they are a bit older without me. See where i am getting at? At what point do we learn and KNOW to let go? At what point do we realise they are in fact not babies forever and we can't protect them from everything and everyone?
Lots to think about...
For now, i'll carry on being my overprotective/too many rules mother until i figure out the right way.