I have decided that Elsie is the boss of our household. Whatever she wants, she gets it (purely because my ear drums can't handle it if she doesn't) and my goodness does she know what she wants!
After a week of stressful breastfeeding and constantly offering it to her, her screaming, me upset, her upset, boys upset as we're upset... We have stopped. I'm not going to write "given up" because I don't like the phrase, it makes me feel like a bit of a failure. I have to look at the bigger picture and my children come before me. She is thriving on formula, putting stacks of weight on and nearly back up to the 25th centile and is so much more content and happy.
Of course she has grumpy moments, but what 10 week old baby doesn't? The majority of the time she is happy, so I am happy and the boys are even happier.
I can't begin to explain how upset I am that I couldn't fulfill her needs, that the most natural thing in the world just didn't work for us. But I don't regret our decision and i'm trying not to beat myself up about it. Its is most definitely the start of a beautiful friendship between Mother and Daughter. I do, of course, get the most smiles. She does, of course, stop crying for me. And that doesn't come from breastfeeding, that comes from love and friendship.
We are going to enjoy our summer a whole lot more without stressy feeding times and stroppy inbetween times.
Thought of the day - Don't dwell on what couldn't be.