So today I am having the whole work Vs. more children debate with myself. Not for now, i'm talking in 5 years time which OBVIOUSLY does not matter at all right now because who knows what will happen. But i need to have this debate or i will lay awake at night pondering on it and it will spin around in my head for ever more.
I'm going for bullet point reasons.
Reasons why we might have another baby -
- I never wanted 3 children. Always 2 or 4. I hate odd numbers
- I think siblings pair up. 3 children = odd one out all the time = sad me
- I think i need one more go at breastfeeding (This is more of a selfish reason though)
- I would love to not find out what we were having and have that oh so special moment of "It's a..."!
- I'm getting my head around the idea of E having a sister and i quite like that thought...
- I love babies.
Reasons to not have another baby -
- My body does NOT like pregnancy
- We would have to move
- We would need a new car (unless we have a 3y+ age gap and then we wouldn't need the bootspace for a double pram)
- We may have another boy in which case the pairing up may not work as E would still be the only girl
- I like the thought of in 3 years time not having to push a pram, go on holidays with not much luggage and no bottles etc and not have to worry as much about what they can get up to as they just entertain themselves! (most of the time)
- I could go back to college/work once they are all in school and then not solely rely on Joe's income
Why do i STILL question myself??!!
My friend is sure that once you know you don't want anymore, you know! And i don't know. So maybe we need another.
To be totally honest with you, the thought of my last bullet point scares the hell out of me. I haven't been working for 5 years and i won't be for AT LEAST another 3, so 8 years of no proper adult conversation - the interview may not go well. I like the idea of being a teaching assistant, the holidays i can still spend with my own children and work hours are good. I LOVE children (can you tell?) and i think i would do quite well. But i would need to go back to college as i have no A levels etc. But i could do a course from home whilst E is at pre school. (This is the point where i ramble and think of every possibility and end up never making a decision.)
I always find myself justifying everything I do and say, i guess you can do things just because. There doesn't need to be an explaination behind everything you do.
Thought of the day - Over thinking is not the way forward.