I haven't really spoken much about Harvey since he started school. Its been 4 weeks today since that first day and whoa!, how much we have BOTH learnt.
I'll be honest with you, i have struggled. It's been hard. I have had a LOT of "omg am i doing the right thing?" moments and a lot of "oh gosh he really is growing up" moments. But we are here, 4 weeks on, still smiling when he walks in and still smiling when he walks out.
I didn't realise how much stuff there was to remember. Not material things like book bag and coat, things that we have to do. Books we have to remember to read with them and soundcards we should go through. After school clubs, dinner money, parents meetings, getting there ON TIME, harvester day, show and tell and a zillion other things. And then ON TOP of that you worry about what they are doing through the day, are they getting themselves dressed okay after P.E, are they eating enough or are they struggling to cut their food up, is he learning okay and is he listening to what the teacher says, are they playing with the right children and are they being kind? Is he going to the toilet okay or is he worried about going, and does he wash the cups up properly after he has a drink so he doesn't pass germs? Do the teachers think he is okay or is he slacking behind? Does he do all the things they are supposed to do and does he enjoy it? Yeah. That's a lot buzzing around my head all day every day.
I have been asking him what he has done that day, who did he play with and what did they learn at school on the walk home every day. I then worry that he doesn't tell me enough and wonder if he feels he can't talk to me. When ACTUALLY he has spent all day listening to a teacher dictate to him, listen to commands and do as he is told that by the time he gets home, he wants to chill out. He doesn't need me nagging in his ear. He will tell me when he is ready.
When he was little i used to expect far too much of him. That first time mum my-child-will-do-everything-first view and actually, it isn't like that at all.
I need to step back, watch him from afar and be proud of the little boy i have created. Be proud that he isn't the boy everyone fears, and be proud he gets stamps in his reading journel, and be super proud that he takes pride in what he does too.
I need to stop nagging, stop worrying and just let him be, and let him learn.
The importance of relationships and socialising is high up on my list of
values. But i can't be the judge of his friends, i can't tell him who
he can play with or who to invite over for playdates. He needs to make
those decisions and i'm just the one to guide him on the right path, to
be there for him if things don't work out and to remember he is learning
as well as me.
Its not all about who he plays with at school, its not about how much he is learning or if he can write as well as Joe Bloggs, it's about him finding himself. Its about him finding who he is a person, as a friend and as a pupil. And that is golden.