6 weeks in. Trouble in paradise.

So it seems since my last post things have gone down hill. Like... borderline giving up downhill.

Hubby's birthday on Sunday, 22nd. The night before she started being quite fussy and not feeding properly. I thought perhaps she was having a funny 5 minutes so i shrugged it off and thought nothing of it. That night was okay, a bit on and off and she was up more than usual at one of the night feeds. The next day, his birthday, was awful. Not latching on at all and generally being very fussy. Crying a lot, crying some more, and a bit more.

Monday. 23rd. Was a bit better but still skipping some feeds or just only taking 5 minutes. Racking our brains to try and think what it could be and all we came up with was that we had introduced a dummy. So in my head all i'm thinking is OH MY GOODNESS, she's just started taking a dummy and giving me 5 minutes peace to do a wee and brush my teeth and now we may have to take it away! (Que spaghetti junction in my head.)

Tuesday Joe was back at work...

Day. From. Hell.

I think i may have gone maximum 10 minutes between crying episodes, me, not her. She cried ALL. DAY. I was having an awful day anyway, and then my beautiful baby girl wouldn't stop crying, and wouldn't feed. I spent the day pacing the house singing through the sobs, and trying to keep Polly happy too. Daddy came home, Mum came to see me, and things were no better. Mum tried her hardest to help me, but the madam was not giving in. It took me swaying standing up with the hair dryer on upstairs to get her to eventually latch on.

Monday night. SEEK ADVICE.

This is where the joys of forums come in. Again. I honestly don't know what i would do without this support network. These ladies I don't even know, read my problems and go out of their way to reply to me, tell me their experiences and what they would do and what they think i should do... Now if thats not true hearted people i don't know what is. 

I rung a breastfeeding support helpline and quite frankly she was useless. Which upset me a bit as everyone says how amazing the advice is. I guess its all pot luck as to who picks up the phone at the other end. Anyway... after lots of research and googling i came to the conclusion it wasn't the dummy. (Que tears of happiness.) and in fact my gut instincts were right when she was a couple of weeks old. That she has reflux and oral thrush. The Dr palmed me off a few weeks ago saying she was fine and she will grow out of it. He gave me gel for her mouth but upon reading and talking to friends i found out its no use if you only treat one of us and i need some sort of treatment also. (Que tears of anger)

Well, after all this drama and tears and tantrums I will not be giving up. We are coming out the other side. I smashed that wall right down and i'm more determined than ever. I will not let this small hurdle defeat me. She has started feeding better (no idea why!) and the crying has subsided.

I did honestly feel like my body had failed me. I felt like that every child i have had i have always had something thrown at me which means i have to stop feeding. Why?? Why do i have to stop? Its because the breastfeeding knowledge of health professions is pretty much non existant. I go to ask for help and no one has the answers. If i was a person who just gave up, who always believed what others said and didn't trust my gut and go out of my way to find out the answers, then I probably would have stopped breastfeeding by now. I do feel like i need to sit all these health visitors down and give them a drilling. Obviously they aren't going to listen to a 22 year old (yes thats right.. 22!!) unemployed mum of 3. But it might make them think a bit more, and seek the advice they need to then advise others who have been or are in a similar position.

Thought of the day - Do not give up.